Volume One: The Young Monk Returns to Secular Life Chapter Fifty-Two: Dirt and Filth

“Wait… chicken leg?” The abbot’s mouth watered uncontrollably, and his stomach began to rumble.

“Yes! Xiao Yan swaggered right back up the mountain!”

“That scoundrel! Just wait until I catch him!” The abbot recalled how he hadn’t eaten for ten days and was still troubled by the disaster relief, while that fellow had the nerve to trick him into letting him go down the mountain, and now he returned, flaunting himself?

Intolerable—utterly intolerable!

So, the abbot, together with several monks, hurried off in hot pursuit.

…

At the entrance to Golden Mountain Monastery, the commotion grew even louder.

Aside from the monks, many pilgrims had joined in the chorus of scolding.

Among the crowd were several scholars in their traditional attire, faces red and necks bulging as they hurled abuse.

These men, usually so refined and proper, were now cursing with the vigor of fishwives.

At the forefront was a scholar named Lu Xiaoming. Blockading the path, he pointed at Xiao Yan, who was making his way up, and unleashed a torrent of insults: “A monk should be pure of heart and body, abstinent, chanting the Buddha’s name! What are you doing? You are the shame of the Buddhist order! How can someone like you call himself a monk? And at a time when the North is suffering from a great calamity, you only care for your own pleasure… Don’t you know the ancients said, ‘The rise and fall of the world is every man’s responsibility’? You are like a rat crossing the street, hated by all!”

“Heh…” The young monk sat in the carriage, not even glancing at him. He lowered his head and took another bite of chicken, saying coldly, “A good dog doesn’t block the road. Move aside and let my carriage through.”

“You! Such insolence! Today, I will denounce you in the name of the sages!” Scholar Lu Xiaoming’s face was flushed with anger. He jabbed a finger at Xiao Yan and continued to rant.

“Damn it! Get out of my way! Are you deaf or just crazy? I’ve got urgent business with the abbot!” Xiao Yan spat on the ground, then took another bite of chicken.

But Lu Xiaoming was not about to give up. Spittle flew as he shouted, and in his agitation, his pointing finger accidentally jabbed the horse in the eye.

Startled, the horse neighed and took a few steps forward, but, wary of the crowd, did not dare go further.

Lu Xiaoming, standing at the front, was caught off guard. The crowd behind pushed forward, and he was knocked to the ground, eating dirt, his face smeared with mud.

He got up slowly, angrier than ever, and shouted, “You! How dare you? I am a scholar with an official title! To endanger my life is a capital crime! Don’t be afraid, everyone! Such villains must be punished!”

What?

“Are you kidding me? You trip over yourself and blame it on me?” Xiao Yan spread his hands in helpless disbelief.

“You! Scoundrel! This is tyranny!” Lu Xiaoming’s hair practically stood on end with rage. Glancing around at his companions, then at Xiao Yan, now standing alone, he shouted, “Let’s get him together! Seize this villain and drag him to the authorities for punishment!”

“Brother Lu is right!”

The other scholars, seeing Xiao Yan was alone, loudly supported Lu Xiaoming and, emboldened, moved forward together.

“Heh… You fools! Get lost before I lose my patience!” Xiao Yan was growing anxious, eager to see the abbot.

But Lu Xiaoming was already beside the carriage, reaching up to pull Xiao Yan down. “Wicked monk! Get down!”

Xiao Yan sneered. “I really ought to teach you all a lesson your parents clearly forgot…” He stuck out his foot and kicked Lu Xiaoming square in the chest.

“You! How dare you strike a scholar? Madman! The monk is assaulting people! Help!” Lu Xiaoming clutched at the spot where he’d been kicked. Though it didn’t hurt, he was quick to put on a show…

“So, you think I wouldn’t dare do anything to you, is that it?” Xiao Yan glared at the scholars before him, his face fierce. “I could kill you weaklings any time I please.”

“You… You’d kill a scholar?” Lu Xiaoming took a step back, frozen in fear.

His companions had all vanished without a trace.

“What a pity… Do I look like a good person to you? Is that why you think you can bully me?” Xiao Yan jumped down from the carriage, chicken leg in hand, and smacked Lu Xiaoming on the face with it a few times.

Lu Xiaoming, terrified, was on the verge of tears. He turned and fled.

“Hmph…”

Xiao Yan returned calmly to the carriage. Though the bystanders whispered among themselves, no one dared block his path.

…

By now, the three monks who’d gone to fetch the abbot had returned, bringing the abbot with them. They had also witnessed Xiao Yan’s altercation.

“Abbot! Look, it’s Xiao Yan! Not only was he rude, but he’s carrying a chicken leg!” a monk shouted out before even reaching the abbot.

“That’s right! While we’ve been scrimping for disaster relief, he’s been living it up in town. He comes back, still eating meat! He deserves the rod!” another monk chimed in.

“Hmm?” The abbot frowned, approaching slowly. Something felt wrong, but he spoke anyway: “Xiao Yan! Do you admit your guilt?”

“Abbot! Good, you’re here. Come over…” Xiao Yan jumped from the carriage and approached the abbot.

“You’ve broken the monastery’s rules! The rod is your punishment!” The abbot’s face was stern.

“Heh… Let me show you something. Come, to your quarters… We need to talk privately…”

Xiao Yan grinned, stepping forward.

“Hmph! If you have something to show, do it here!” The abbot squinted, thinking he’d seen through Xiao Yan’s intention to bribe him.

Normally, he wouldn’t have been so angry—Xiao Yan had eaten his pigs, stolen his dogs, even his “wife.” He’d only grumbled, never truly angry.

But the funds for the northern disaster still hadn’t been raised, and his heart was heavy. Catching sight of Xiao Yan threatening the pilgrims had only fueled his ire.

“Well… I don’t think that’s appropriate…” Xiao Yan wasn’t a fool; he understood the misunderstanding, but didn’t seem bothered.

“Hmph! What could be inappropriate? Clearly, you’re up to no good, trying to bribe the abbot! I bet your carriage is full of stolen goods. You’re worse than an animal… In the face of disaster, you only care for yourself!” a monk stepped forward, coldly accusing.

Rumors of Xiao Yan’s previous attempt to bribe Elder Huiqi with meat powder had spread through the monastery, and many whispered about it in private.

“Heh… Abbot, trust me. Let’s go to your quarters…” Xiao Yan shook his head, a faint smile on his lips.

The abbot nodded, but just as he was about to speak, the young monk stepped forward and shouted, “Fine! Let’s see what shameful thing you plan to use to bribe the abbot!”

With that, the monk strode to the carriage and kicked open the door.

In the next instant, everyone’s eyes were nearly blinded.

Bathed in dazzling sunlight, the crowd squinted, slowly opening their eyes—only to be confronted with a sight almost beyond belief.

Bars of gold and silver tumbled out of the carriage…

Even just what spilled would be enough to support an ordinary family for several lifetimes…

The monk who’d kicked open the door was frozen in shock, glancing dumbly from Xiao Yan to the treasure in front of him.

The abbot, perhaps dizzy from hunger, stood there, mind blank, staring at the money in a daze, forgetting entirely what had just happened.

…

Everyone’s mouths hung open, struck dumb.

The world seemed to fall still, the cicadas’ summer song ringing clear, a gentle breeze brushing their heated faces.

At that moment, a steady figure approached—it was the ever-composed Zhuge Yixiu.

He was out of breath, but his voice arrived before he did: “Xiao Yan’s back? You bastard, sneaking down the mountain without inviting me for some fun… Finally, you’re back. Come, let me show you what you asked me to make—I’ve finished it…”

As he drew near, he realized everyone was frozen like statues.

“What’s going on…?” Zhuge Yixiu poked the abbot’s bald head and asked Xiao Yan.

“Heh…” Xiao Yan’s lips curled into a smile. “Nothing much. Let’s go see your handiwork…”

“Alright!”

Zhuge Yixiu grinned, leading Xiao Yan toward the Armory.

After a few steps, Xiao Yan turned his head. “Abbot, this should be enough for the relief effort. If not, there are two more carriages… Chen Buqun will bring them up tomorrow.”

With that, Xiao Yan walked away without looking back.

This money was, after all, the spoils from clearing out Da Vinci’s secret chamber, so Xiao Yan felt no guilt at all.

Zhuge Yixiu, for his part, mumbled, “Transport what?”

“Oh, nothing. Just some worthless dirt…” Xiao Yan sighed. He had no desire to play the hero or pretend that money meant nothing to him…

That was all nonsense…

If he had the money, he would much rather spend it having fun in a brothel…

But…

“Heh…” Xiao Yan shook his head. No one understood him, and he didn’t understand himself, either.

“Xiao Yan, who would have thought you, the Latrine Elder, were so dutiful… Even your trips down the mountain never distract you from your responsibilities. By the way… did the latrines smell sweeter in town?”

“Get lost!” Xiao Yan shot him an exasperated glare.

“Heh heh…”

Zhuge Yixiu chuckled and said no more.

…