Chapter 18: Calling Him Husband

“All women are—big—pig—trotters!” Fang Xu lay sprawled on the floor of the imperial kitchen, gazing up at the beams overhead with a wounded, resentful look as he vented his frustration.

“Did… did I do something wrong?” Qin Suwen asked awkwardly, glancing at Fang Xu, who was still lying there grumbling. She had come to realize that she had just misunderstood him. After all, the accidental exposure at her chest could only have been seen by someone standing, and Fang Xu had been crouched on the ground at the time—there was no way he could have caught a glimpse from that angle.

But perhaps it was her own reflexes, or perhaps she was still wary from Fang Xu’s earlier mischief. Whatever the reason, calamity had struck, and now, after brushing the dust from his clothes, Fang Xu stood up and strode directly to Qin Suwen.

Suddenly, Fang Xu reached out and pressed both hands firmly against Qin Suwen’s delicate cheeks. She looked at him, flustered and uncertain what he intended.

“Take a good look! This is all thanks to you!” Fang Xu held her face, not even pausing to savor the softness beneath his palms, his tone sharp and unfriendly.

“Pfft!” Qin Suwen couldn’t help but burst out laughing when she got a good look at his face. Fang Xu’s cheeks, illuminated by the kitchen’s candlelight, were puffed up on both sides like a pufferfish.

At the center of his face—his nose and forehead—there was an unmistakable imprint, shaped exactly like a shoehorn.

It was the result of Fang Xu having just cradled his cheeks while Qin Suwen, in her panic, had delivered a swift kick. Fortunately, she hadn’t used her full strength, or Fang Xu feared he might have ended up spurting blood all over the floor! And now Qin Suwen was actually laughing at him? The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

“Laughing, are you? You have the nerve to laugh?!” Fang Xu ground his teeth, ignoring the fact that Qin Suwen was the emperor—he was quite certain she wouldn’t dare do anything truly dangerous to him.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Qin Suwen admitted sheepishly, her bravado fading under Fang Xu’s fierce glare. Who knew what “special” move he might pull next? The thought made her cheeks burn.

Perhaps it was the heat from the kitchen’s stove, or perhaps something else, but Fang Xu could feel the warmth radiating from her face. He swallowed unconsciously.

“You… you… don’t do anything crazy… I—” Qin Suwen’s heart raced, and she couldn’t meet his eyes. If his hands weren’t holding her cheeks, she would have ducked her head under her own collar by now.

“Hmph! What do I want to do? I should be asking you what you’ve done, Your Majesty!” Fang Xu growled, though the fierceness in his eyes was already beginning to melt away.

“I… I…” Qin Suwen stammered, at a loss for words. Fang Xu leaned in, pressing his lips softly against her earlobe, breathing a warm sigh.

The heat of his breath sent shivers down Qin Suwen’s spine, and her body instantly became weak and limp. Luckily, Fang Xu was quick to react, wrapping an arm around her slender waist.

Qin Suwen collapsed against him, and Fang Xu couldn’t help but notice the change in her, as well as the faint, unsteady breaths she was letting out at his ear.

Gulping, Fang Xu forgot entirely that they were still in the imperial kitchen, forgot all the grievances of just moments before.

“Let go… let go of me…” Qin Suwen mustered her remaining strength to struggle, trying to push him away, but when her hand touched his chest, she found her strength deserting her. The power she’d used to swell his cheeks was gone—her attempt to shove him away ended with her clutching his collar instead.

“Still calling yourself ‘the emperor’? Say ‘husband,’” Fang Xu murmured, each word sending another wave of heat across her sensitive ear, making her tremble from head to toe.

“I… I… no, I won’t…” Qin Suwen resisted, making her final stand. She refused to give in—it was only right that she should be the husband, and Fang Xu the wife!

“I… I should be the one calling you ‘husband’…” Where she found the courage, she didn’t know, but she suddenly bit down on Fang Xu’s ear, making him wince.

“Did that hurt?” Qin Suwen asked anxiously, uncertain how much force she’d used.

“It did. So what now? Earlier, didn’t Your Majesty give your word? What happened to your imperial promise?” Fang Xu seized the opportunity, making Qin Suwen’s blush deepen even further.

“But… but I really didn’t use my hands before!” Qin Suwen blinked her large, mischievous eyes at him, and Fang Xu was momentarily stunned. She was right—she hadn’t used her hands, but her foot instead! Fang Xu realized this belatedly, while Qin Suwen toyed idly with his collar, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Ahem! I don’t care! As the ruler of a nation, you must keep your word. You said you wouldn’t hit me again, and that includes kicking! So you owe me compensation!” Fang Xu declared seriously, and Qin Suwen couldn’t help but giggle.

“Ahem! What’s so funny? I’m being very serious!” Fang Xu tried to look stern, but found himself helpless in the face of Qin Suwen’s constant winking.

“Then, I wonder how my beloved consort would like to be compensated?” Qin Suwen’s hands, which had been playing with his collar, slipped up to encircle his neck.

“Ahem, ahem! I want exactly what I asked for earlier! Can Your Majesty grant my wish?” Fang Xu’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment—this was far too mortifying.

“Of course, my—dear—husband,” Qin Suwen whispered sweetly after biting his ear again, making Fang Xu feel as though his entire body was charged with electricity.