Chapter 10: Crude Jests in the Imperial Hall—None in This World Are Quite Like Me

At this moment, Fang Xu seemed utterly stifled by Elder Zhang’s words, unable even to muster a rebuttal. Initially, Elder Zhang had not intended to do anything to Fang Xu, but upon learning of Fang Xu’s identity, he was immediately invigorated. In Elder Zhang’s view, had it not been for Fang Xu, his own grandson would by now be a royal consort. Though allowing a man to marry into the imperial family was somewhat contrary to custom and propriety, it all depended on whose household he married into. To marry into the imperial family—was this not the dream of all men beneath the heavens? Alas, it was Fang Xu who benefitted, and Fang Xu was merely the so-called chosen one, so Elder Zhang could not speak up for his grandson.

Now, as Elder Zhang looked at Fang Xu before him, he could not help but compare him to his own grandson. He thought Fang Xu’s skin was a touch fairer, his appearance somewhat more pleasing, but when it came to the classics, his own grandson was certainly superior. Seeing Fang Xu embarrassed, Elder Zhang felt immense satisfaction. Yet while Elder Zhang was pleased, there was someone who was not.

“Ahem! Consort, if there is nothing further, you may withdraw for now!” Qin Suwen, seated upon the imperial throne, fixed Fang Xu with a sharp gaze and spoke, clearly warning him to leave. If it were not for her inability to deal with Fang Xu, Qin Suwen might have already ordered her men to tear him apart. Especially now, for Qin Suwen had long disliked Elder Zhang; despite his age, Elder Zhang possessed a stubbornly youthful heart.

Originally, Qin Suwen had intended to chasten Elder Zhang a little, but Fang Xu’s arrival had completely disrupted her plans, even costing her face. This left Qin Suwen somewhat displeased, and it was only now that Fang Xu heard her words.

In truth, Fang Xu was not silenced by Elder Zhang’s rebuke; rather, memories of this world kept surfacing in his mind—the last fragments of his body’s recollections. Through those memories, Fang Xu came to understand what the barbarians were, and why they were attacking Qin.

“Ahem, were Elder Zhang and the others troubled by the barbarians beyond the border?” Fang Xu asked Elder Zhang with a smile. Elder Zhang merely cast him a disdainful glance.

“So what if we were? Does the royal consort have any clever ideas?” Though Elder Zhang disliked Fang Xu, he maintained decorum in the grand hall, and moreover, showed respect for Fang Xu’s status. After all, Fang Xu’s rank as royal consort far exceeded that of a mere elder, so outward courtesy was required.

“Consort, matters of state should be left to the ministers. Return to your palace and rest!” Qin Suwen, seeing Fang Xu ignore her, spoke with a trace of anger. She was the Emperor of Qin, and never before had anyone dared to disregard her so. Fang Xu had cost her face twice—once last night, and once now. Remembering last night’s events, Qin Suwen’s cheeks flushed red.

The ministers below perceived Qin Suwen’s blush as anger from Fang Xu’s disrespect. “Consort, it is best to heed His Majesty. Matters such as these are for us men to handle!” Elder Zhang enunciated his words with clarity, especially the last phrase, deliberately emphasizing that it was for “us men.” He was clearly mocking Fang Xu for not being a man, and this time Fang Xu could not restrain himself.

“You old fool! I’m not a man? Shall I pull it out for comparison? Let’s see whose is bigger!” Fang Xu’s temperament was such: if you showed him respect, he returned it tenfold; but for those who overstepped their bounds, like Elder Zhang, he had no intention of giving face.

“You! You! Your Majesty! The royal consort is preposterous! To utter such vulgar words in the grand hall!” Elder Zhang was furious but aware of Fang Xu’s status. Ultimately, he could only appeal to Qin Suwen on the throne, who looked down in confusion at the smiling Fang Xu and the enraged Elder Zhang.

Clearly, Qin Suwen did not understand Fang Xu’s crude remark—what did it mean to pull it out for comparison? Was Fang Xu proposing some sort of contest with Elder Zhang? In what way could they possibly compete? Qin Suwen gazed curiously at Fang Xu, then suddenly recalled, after last night’s encounter, that Fang Xu was indeed capable of saying such inappropriate things.

“Ahem, Elder Zhang, shall we discuss the matter of the border barbarians?” Fang Xu coughed lightly and smiled at Elder Zhang. He was genuinely concerned that Qin Suwen might realize what he had just said. After all, this was the Golden Throne Hall, and he had just made a lewd joke here! Who else in the world could compare to him? The thought amused him, but it also eased his mood.

“Hmph! I would like to see what brilliant strategy the royal consort has!” Elder Zhang had no intention of wasting time with Fang Xu; since Fang Xu was courting disaster, Elder Zhang would oblige him.

“As everyone knows, the barbarians beyond the border have long troubled the Qin frontier. When the Eight Princes still held sway, the barbarians dared not cause much disturbance. Yet after the Eight Princes pledged allegiance, the barbarians only grew more aggressive. Why is that?” Fang Xu asked Elder Zhang.

“Hmph! When the Eight Princes were in power, their strength could be used to repel the barbarians. The barbarians were no match and naturally withdrew. Now that the Eight Princes have submitted to His Majesty, and the nascent state is not yet stable, how can we resist external enemies?” Elder Zhang sighed.

Upon hearing Elder Zhang’s words, Qin Suwen nodded; she knew well that Qin faced both internal and external threats. Though the Eight Princes had surrendered, their loyal followers still sought every opportunity to trouble Qin Suwen. If she did not swiftly eradicate the Eight Princes’ diehards, internal unrest would persist. Meanwhile, the border barbarians continued their incursions. It was all too easy for the hard-won Qin regime to collapse. This was the source of Qin Suwen’s headaches—if the internal strife remained unresolved, how could she resist external foes?